She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
