Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
