I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
