My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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