What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
