exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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