the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
