wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
