the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
