Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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