allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
