told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
