i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
