She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
