My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
