Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
