We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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