dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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