I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
