it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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