every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
