It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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