I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
