She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sext me about skeletons
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
