You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize