So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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