i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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