I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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