apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
