just come out here and I will go home with you...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
