Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
