Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
