hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
