I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I lost the right to judge tonight
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
