dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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