i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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