There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
