she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
