I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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