Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my sisters under your porch take her home
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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