Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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