Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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