He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
