She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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