we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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