Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
