new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
