grandma shit on top of the toilet
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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