I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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