Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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