Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
