Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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