I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
