y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i love accidental penises.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
