Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
