i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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