Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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