She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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