we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
