I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
