You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
