i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
