is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
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I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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