you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
