I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
