Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
