So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
