i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
