She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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