Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
