So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
